Mike and Heather Save the World

Michaels Social Nightmare.

2010-05-04T23:05:00.000-07:00

Our next stop on our trip was to Cannes, AKA the French Beverly hills.

Heather was excited to finally be in the sun and sand at the beach! I on the other hand felt a little bit uncomfortable with my lack of millions of dollars and lack of things to do other than relax.

Each of our mornings there started the same. Buying our coffee at McDonalds (the only place where it's sold in normal sizes) and sitting at the marina watching boats.

The city was pretty cool once you got away from all the money.

Yes Cannes is home to the film festival. Here I am with my pal chewie.

And look at how sexy Heather can be.

You would think that I would stick out as a tourist walking around with a bagette in hand. However, everyone in the city does it. I think it is one of the most accurate stereotypes of the french.

This was the majority of our days. Pic-nics on the beach with fruit, cheese and wine.

And I found another space invader. This guy gets around.

Montmarte

2010-04-24T05:57:00.001-07:00

Montmarte was probably my favourite part of Paris. It is the artists district, which not only means street art and hippies everywhere but also cheap food! We started our little exploration of Montmarte in Paris's own Red light district where you can find all your Erotic needs. For example you can:

Go shopping at the Erotic Supermarket

Take out a book or two from the Erotic Library

Gain some culture at the Erotic Museum,

Now a red light district isn't the only thing that Paris has in common with Amsterdam. They also have several windmills all over the place. Most of them are modern renditions however, not the one we found below.

This windmill is the oldest one in Paris.

This is a statue of St Denis. The legend goes that he was beheaded and picked up his head carrying it through the streets of Paris, speaking the gosple to all those who would hear it.

Here is an example of some modern day street art. This is a group of space invaders that have 'invaded' Paris, as well as many other cities in the world.

This guy was one of the unlucky hobo's who took a nap in a construction site at the wrong time.

We found a vineyard in the streets of Paris. I don't know how good the wine would taste from those grapes.

the Lapin Agile, One of Picasso's old haunts. He was so poor at the time that as payment he would give the owner paintings instead of money. A good investment I would say.

one of the main highlights of Montmarte is Sacre Cuer. A beautiful church sticking out of the top of the winding alleys.

Not only is the church beautiful..

But it also has one of the best views of the city.

Much like Notre Dame, it's also covered in Gargoyles. I love Gargoyles.

After a long day of walking through alley's and looking at street art it was time for a hungry manly meals. This is one of the fanciest 'crispy misters' I've ever eaten in my life. Mine was made of blue cheese.

Heather and I found the cafe that Amelie worked in, in the film. I feel like I'm the star of a movie in this photo.

I guess it took a lot of convincing of the owner to let them film the movie there. The director used to eat there all the time when he lived in Montmarte. This was the most excited I have ever seen Heather for anything even remotely movie related.

We couldn't leave the redlight district without checking out the erotic museum. It was actually really interesting. Something we realised is that they tend to take all the sexual stuff out of most museum displays. This place was a collection of all of those missing articles.

For Example:

Penis Nose

And we couldn't leave without seeing the Moulin Rouge. However we didn't see a show since the worst seats in the house are 95 euros. a bit too pricey for a fancy strip club.

Paris!

2010-04-17T05:51:00.000-07:00

Well it was fun while it lasted, my break from blogging. In actuality I tried another blogging website which I was told was good, but actually frustrated me to no end. So here I am, on a website that too frustrates the hell out of me, but at least it's familiar. And just in time too. Our trip through France into Italy is now complete, so now its time to let the world see how awesome these places are! First stop Paris! And what is more Iconic Paris then the Eiffel Tower!

The first thing Heather said when she saw was, 'Is that it?' yes that giant eye sore is it. The second thing Heather said when she saw it was, 'It's a lot smaller than I thought,' Yes that is it. It's no CN tower. Finally Heather said, 'it's ugly,' and I agreed. It is ugly. Well during the day anyways. Take a look for your self:

Ugly

At night on the other hand:

Pretty

This is when the Eiffel tower really shines! Literally! Our first night in Paris we decided that we would go and check it out! and watched the sun go down, sorta, and the lights come on! After all that watching we were hungry. Lets go for some ethnically french food!

Starting with some wine in a jug

And
Crepes!

Mine was a savoury. A crepe with cheese, an egg and a hamburger.

The next day Started with, well, what every day that Heather plans: a market! And what a pretty market with the Eiffel tower in the background. This one was chock full of produce. We again decided to stick with ethnic french food and went for some cheese! Of course we are on tour again and one thing we feel is that we eat way too much meat. So we picked up some food as well.

After being full of food and tiny coffees we decided to start walking around. Paris can be a little confusing. Paris is a lot more spread out then central London.

But we found the Louvre, eventually. From what we read the line ups were going to be insane at all the museums in Paris. We had arrived at around 11am so we were expecting an hour late. Fortunately there was no one there and we just walked right in. We had to do it:

There she is. The Mona Lisa. Yes it's a lot smaller than you would think. Yes you can't get close enough. That's why I took the picture, so that I can zoom in as close as I want.

This however was more impressive.

I don't know why this statue gets so much attention. The was another just across from it that had its arms.

All that museuming, now it's time for some meals. I think it was Amie who was making fun of someone for taking pictures of their food. Well to her I say this.

What do you think of them apples!

This is the Arc of Triumph. It has to be the most insane round about in the world. 12 roads intersecting into one circle. No lines. No rules. Just insanity.

One thing that we learned is that meeting up with people on your tour allows you to get pictures of yourselves. Thanks Jodie and T-Bone.

Notre Dame is the coolest building we saw in Paris. Way cooler than the Louvre and the Eiffel Tower combined.

We were lucky enough to show up during mass. For some reason we had all the luck and again NO LINES!

The architecture inside was beautiful and we walked in right as the choir was singing.

The music mixed with the smell of incense added a creepy religious element Sundays are the time to go.

We had some Kebabs. In Paris there greek wraps put the french fries right into the wrap. I know it sounds gross but it worked quite well. All the good things in life in one package.

One of my favorite buildings that we explored in Paris was the Shakespeare and Co book Store. Here is Heather posing with our lunch in front, and some woman in the background posing for my photo as well.

Amazing! It is wall-to-wall, ceiling-to-ceiling books in there (most of them English for some reason). On the top floor they also have a Piano and there was a creative writing class going on (again in English). Why can't this store be in London where it belongs!

Things to Remember While in Paris:

1. The coffee's are really really small (see to the right).

2. Tourists in Europe are rude. People will jump in your pictures.

3. Friday afternoons after 6pm and on the first Sunday of every month the museums in Paris are free! Line up early as they are busy these days.

4. Do yourself a favour and do the free walking tour of Paris. It's like 4 hours but it orients you quite well.

5. If you love museums get the museum pass.

6. If you're luke warm on museums don't get the museum pass. But, if I were you I would book your tickets online to avoid the que.

7. If you are thinking about getting a Metro Pass, if you are planning on using the metro 4 or more times a day it's worth it.

8. There is an underground tunnel, it is not a good idea to try and cross the roundabout to the Arc de Triumph, especially with a baby and a carriage (see below). some people should not have kids.

9. Five minutes every hour, the Eiffel Tower puts on a little light show. It's quite surprising the first time you see it.

10. The best time to go to Notre Dame is during mass, however you can't go up to the top and it can get quite busy.

11. The metro gates are not designed for large luggage. How we did it is one of us went through and passed Heathers giant suitcase over to the other. They have luggage gates but no one around to open them for you.

Happy Aniversary!

2010-02-08T23:19:00.001-08:00

About one year ago, at this time, our plane had started its descent into the lovely Gatwick Airport. It was probably exactly at this time (7:25am) that we got the report from the flight crew that we had to remain in our seats while the Police came on to remove an unruly passenger. After landing, Heather got through customs no problem, but me? I got grilled by customs officials, 'why were you originally rejected your visa application?' she asked me.

'because I can't follow directions,' I replied. I am a smug bastard sometimes. Heather on the other hand saw I was having a bit of trouble and decided to cross back through Customs to come stand beside me. Big Mistake!

Our bag collecting went by rather uneventful. We took the Gatwick Express into London Victoria, and on the way I realised, 'wow for the most part it looks the same as Canada.' At least the farm land and whatnot.

We came out of the station and were drenched by a ridiculous amount of rain! We heard that it rained a lot here but that was really ridiculous! We later found out that London got a years worth or rain on our first day there. next took a black cab from a nice bloke who gave us a bit of information about the city. I had no clue that the London Black Cabs were world famous and I made sure to let him know that. This is when I noticed the big differences and, maybe it was the lack of sleep, or maybe it was the jet lag, but I was very very excited!

We got dropped off at our Hotel, if you could call it that, The Langland Hotel on Gower Street. Our room was literally the size of a closet. It had a TV mounted on the wall and a sink with, gasp, Separate fossets for the hot and cold water. Our bed was also quite tiny and there was actually one point we were watching TV when I realised that our television volume was off. Our neighbours must have been watching the same show at the same time and the walls were so thin that we could hear it like it was coming from our TV. We could also hear the men burp loudly. After we got settled we decided to check out the area. We got laughed out of a communist bookstore when we asked the guy behind the counter if the sold London, A to Z's. He replied, 'Pfft. No. We're not an off lisence!'

Because Heather and I have excellent amounts of Energy, we also spent our first day meeting Chris, our original roommate, to go look at some flats. We saw two, one was shown by a woman who looked like she spent the night clubbing, rolled out of bed and came down to show us the flat. Her makeup was so heavily caked on to her face that it looked like she was having difficulty keeping her eyes open.

The second Flat would end up being the one that we wasted two weeks of our time here stressed out over. We were shown it by Tony, the biggest Dick I have ever met and all decided that that flat was the one.

We spent our first night walking through Seven Dials and Covent Gardens and went to our first British Pub called, The Two Brewers. I had the Fish and Chips with mushy peas (awesome) and heather had the Ploughman's Lunch, which was huge and we had our first British - Pints!

We then went back to our hotel, Showered in the communal Shower that was so plugged with hair we would have to turn on the water to lather up, turn it off, soap up, turn it on to rinse then turn it back off. Otherwise, it would flood over all onto the floor.

We were asleep by 8:30pm. It was a big first day.

Ireland 2: the Sequel

2010-01-31T00:53:00.000-08:00

Part two is starting in Style:

With Ice Cream on the beach!!!

Who cares if it's January, we can pretend that it's summer.

I really like this picture. It is of the ruins of a castle (top right) with sheep all around it. This is classic Ireland. Sure it looks like a diorama, but it's not!!

I think I'm going to give up nursing and stick with photography.

This is the Fairy Stone. There's a legend behind it but I've forgotten it. Sorry guys!

We drove to the end of the world.

I don't care what anyone says, this phone booth was stalking us!

Damn it!

Yes damn it! this fireplace is at the end of our bed! unfortunately we ran into a few problems with it. Our chimney was cold so a lot of smoke came rolling down into our room and smoked it up a bit causing us to open up the window. This had a negative effect on the whole warm cozy fire place. I even tried the trick that John told us about, putting a lit piece of paper in the chimney. However it did not work!

I like this bench.

I like this tree as well.

Sheep! they're everywhere!

John had some peacocks.

and two more weeks till Spain!

Back to Ireland!

2010-01-27T09:17:00.000-08:00

Weekend trip to Ireland! We left after work to catch our flight from Stanstead and had the most terrifying flight of our lives! You see it was windy going into Belfast and the turbulence was crazy on our descent. We were about twenty feet from the ground when our Pilot decided it wouldn't be a good idea. A couple girls around us started to cry and we all feared for our lives, but in the end we landed without a problem.

So John surprised us. His house was a little bit full with the new grandchild and everything so he put us up in a Bed and Breakfast! Our room was amazing and every room has their own fire place!

These stairs led up to a second room in our room. There were three more beds upstairs!

The owner of the B&B, Trish and Richard were both excellent hosts! Richard prides him self on his breakfasts and really he should! they were excellent! We got a starter of Fruit and Granola followed by a full Irish Breakfast!

Our B&B used to be home to the owner of a mill. This mill in fact.

It also had all kinds of crazy hidden doors in it. There was one here and one also behind the bar!

John's property was gorgeous! this was his pond. I think he was a bit turned off with my touristiness in his yard but hey! New Camera!

He had just gotten some new Donkey's which were very friendly!

He and Ingrid took us on a tour of the little beaches and towns around the Giants Causeway. It was chilly out but sunny.

Next John took us on a tour of Dunluce Castle. He knows his Irish History!

Reunited and it feels so good!

2010-01-18T23:05:00.001-08:00

Reunited cuz we understood

there's one perfect fit

and sugar this one's it

we both are so excited

cuz we're reunited

Hey, Hey!

Oh Lovin Lover, This is Solid Love

and you're exactly what im dreamin

Reunited and it feels so good!

London is a Winter Wonderland?

2010-01-09T10:25:00.000-08:00

Well it looks like we came back to London at just the right time. With 'Arctic weather' striking across the nation, some areas got as cold as -21, which 'is as cold as the North Pole!' (I didn't realize that southern Ontario gets colder then the North Pole. The news here makes me laugh!)

This has caused Greenland dock to freeze over for, according to one of our neighbors, 'the first time in the twenty years' he has been here. and has left the birds with no where to swim!

It doesn't take much to cause a snow day here in London, we got about 7cm of snow and the tube system shut down! then it was followed by a day at about -7 which caused it all to freeze. People were falling all over the place and the trains were unable to deal with it.

Who would of thought that the one winter we are here it would be the 'coldest in 100 years.' At least they are making us feel at home!

It's unfortunately going to start warming up this week though.

Which is too bad because I wanted to make a snowman! Oh well I guess I'll leave somethings just for Canada.

We Arrived

2010-01-09T01:29:00.001-08:00

After a long flight flying back in time a bit we finally landed back in Canada. And what a time of year to come back! in the dead of winter! Everyone was in the Christmas spirit, including the security guards, the only question I got asked going through security was 'is that your favorite animal?' in regards to the blue tiger on my t-shirt. and I answered 'why yes, the Canadian BlueTiger is my favorite animal.'

Back in our native land we had one important stop to make.

Oh joy!What succulent decadents you have waiting for us the unworthy!

Coffee!!

And Boston Cream!

Now we're talking! this is what it's all about!

Back in our normal spots. Heather behind the wheel and me in the passenger seat. Freedom!

So Heather got hit by a heavy case of Jet-Lag. It's 7:00pm and she is down for the count!

We weren't in Trenton too long before we found ourselves a little taste of home. And in the County of all places!

Christmas Vacation is Over!

2010-01-03T04:33:00.000-08:00

All right! Here it comes. The standard New years resolution. I solemnly swear that I will update our blog regularly, with enthusiasm, and will not let weeks go by between when our trip ends and when I post the pictures and stories on here. This week is a bit of an exception. We bought a new camera and the file sizes are too large so it took me a bit to figure out that I can only now upload two pictures at a time.

I don't know if this really counts as a trip but here are some pictures from over Christmas where we returned, like true children, to their parents, to our home and native land! Yes Canada.

These Are a few Pictures from Christmas Day and the lesser celebrated Boxing Day.

Christmas is so much funner with little kids around!

David showing off his multicultural robot. Is that a west ham hat I see

Ah Santa, even your decorations are creepy

Bella enjoyed unwrapping her presents as well

Watch out Heather you're under attack!

My mom refuses to look at cameras or smile for pictures.

The best gift I have ever received. And yes if you have seen beerfest, a bubble does form and the beer does splash all over your face. I never turn from a challenge.

Heather got her DQ!

Eat, Drink and Be Merry!

2009-12-07T23:26:00.000-08:00

Bruges isn't just all about the shopping. Really, the best part about it is the food. Being the land of beer and chocolate, it was Heathers dream come true. Market food, Mulled Wine, beer, and Heathers new Christmas Drink, Ameretto and Hot Chocolate. Oh My!

Let's start with some beer. Belgian beer has a very distinct taste to it. If you have ever had Leffe or Hoegaarden, you know what I'm talking about. Heather and I agree! We like it! The cool thing I saw in Bruges was that A lot of the Belgian Beer did a Christmas brew. This one was Corsendonk and it was good!

After learning about french fries in the museum, we just had to eat them! The traditional way to eat them in Belgium is in the cone, like above. You are also supposed to eat them with mayonnaise (sorry Amie), But you can also get Ketchup. We got a little of both. Let me tell you, these fries beat McDonald's fries hands down! They were so excellent that we went back for more. I don't know if I would eat them with Mayonnaise regularly though. Don't get me wrong, it was good, But I just think French Fries alone raise your cholesterol and don't need the help of the Mayo. Also, for our loyal readers, did you notice the subtleties of the Belgian Cut? It really is a good cut, and I hear it tastes the best.

Well what do we have here? Ah yes the Jager Tea! I guess this is a Christmas market staple. I really, really enjoyed it. The perfect blend between tea and sugar and jagermeister! Brilliance!

And it didn't even cause me to black out like shots of Jager do!

This was the most amazing version of hash browns I have ever eaten in my life! They call it Tartflette and it is an amazing combination of potato, bacon, onions, spices and Reblochon cheese. I know, I've never heard of that cheese either, but look at it!

And boy does it ever taste good! Kinda like clam chowder with out the clams and instead of a cream base its a cheese base!

Ahhh the Belgian Waffle! We have waited our entire life for this. As Canadians, we feel we know a thing or two about waffles. What with the whole maple syrup thing and all. So how do the Belgian's eat them without maple syrup? Well they're not completely clueless, like the British, who tend to eat them with a corn-type syrup. From our experience, you can eat them three ways. With Chocolate Sauce, Whip Cream or Plain! Heather got hers with chocolate sauce as you can see. the chocolate sauce though is 'not necessary,' Heather just informed me.

I had mine plain. Plain Jane Michael, that's how I'm known. Except! the way that they make them is that they cook the sugar right into the waffle. The way that they do it, it pretty much caramelises on the top and inside the waffle making one tasty treat! I don't know if I'd make it a regular thing to eat it for breakfast, unless I was determined to develop diabetes, but hey! We're on Vacation!

Bratwursts are excellent! They cook the meat and the onions right on the same grill in the market! I recommend the Curry Ketchup on top! P.S. It's a rule if you are at a Christmas Market you have to eat German Food!

One thing I do recommend you start each day off with would be some Flemish Coffee. I don't know what they put in it but it tasted like espresso+rum with whip cream on top.

It really tasted like you should shoot it instead of sip it but really it was way too hot. Not only that but look at that little Asian girl. She looks upset, probably the Flemish Coffee.

I look just as upset. Strong!

Things to Remember When Eating in Bruges:

1. Mulled wine is better then Hot Wine

2. With 125 breweries and 8700 different types of beer, it can be very hard to choose in Belgium! My advice, try the White beer. (or see my other blog for recommendations!)

3. Don't worry, you will be burning off all those calories!

4. The food in the restaurants are cripplingly expensive. We just ate market food all weekend and probably spent less than 20 pounds each.

5. Plus the market food is amazingly good.

6. The secret to why Belgian Fries are so good is, they are cooked in a combination of Cow and Horse Fat. Really! we read about it in the museum! Not Vegetarian Friendly.

7. The Pigeons are fit (see Below).

It's beginning to look alot like...

2009-12-06T11:53:00.001-08:00

CHRISTMAS!!!! And what's more Christmasy than the Christmas Markets in Bruges! We left from London right after work and took the Eurostar train. It only took two hours to get to Belgium. TWO HOURS! It took us six hours to get to Edinburgh, but only two to Brussels, unless globes are completely wrong, it just doesn't make any sense.

Heather and I decided to go all out for this trip and get a hotel room. Compared to the price of hostels it really wasn't that much more expensive. It had been a long time since we stayed in a hotel and we forgot the luxuries. For one we got a King Sized bed. I haven't slept so far away from Heather in almost a year! Two we had a coffee maker in our room. and of course, we had television. I haven't seen so much American TV since I left Canada.

Yes that is Dr. Phil, I also watched Married with Children and a Sponge Bob Square Pants documentary. The Belgians seem to be a bit too lazy to dub the shows instead they just put Dutch subtitles. It sure does work for me!

Bruges is a quaint little Belgian town with some excellent and beautiful sites. There museum has some quite amazing architecture. To me it looked more like a church, or palace, but no. It's a museum! It also has some public toilets in there. This is Europe however, so expect to pay for your toilet use. This one was one of the cheaper ones we found at only 30 cents. It's also right across the street from the main Christmas market (where the toilets cost 50cents and they are gross portapotties.) The museum also has an amazing bell symphony that happens quite regularly through out the day. I'm not knowledgeable enough to tell you if it's every hour, but it damn well could be. You can also get up to the top and get an excellent view of Bruges. It is one of the main attractions though so expect to wait in line.

Being a dutch country, Belgium has its fair share of windmills. They aren't as impressive as the ones we saw in Holland, but they are still nice. They are about a 15 minute walk outside the centre but you get to walk through some pretty interesting windy streets so I'd say it's worth it.

Being winter here in the Europe, it sure did rain a lot! We weren't really one hundred percent prepared as we forgot our umbrellas. But we did remember our Poncho's!

This fountain was located right across the street from our hotel. If you look at the back left of the picture that building would be our hotel. This area is called the Zand, they have a crazy market there on Saturdays (see later).

Belgium is the land of chocolate. And just like any good European country, Belgian chocolate has a little bit of sex mixed in.

The square surrounding the market is quite beautiful. All of these buildings are for the most part cafes. Unlike UK cafes (that sell coffee) or Amsterdam's cafes (that sell marijuana), the cafes in Belgium sell a little bit of everything. From food to beer to, yes even coffee. Unfortunately these ones are really really expensive.

The chocolate shops in Bruges are amazing! those people back there behind the glass are making the chocolates by hand right in front of you. Each little chocolate was about 70cents. It would probably take about 30 of them to make that Santa, so I can just imagine how much it would cost.

The stalls are in little tiny wood cabins. They were all selling pretty interesting things, some of them were tacky, but most of them sold pretty cool things (like booze).

And Cheese!

We got there a little early, Heather and I were in a hurry to get out the first morning and headed out around 9:30 on a Friday. The market stalls didn't start opening till almost 11:00! It was pretty dead on the streets though, which got us in some good site seeing time.

A lot of the chocolate were edible sculptures!

After dark is when the markets really get interesting! In the centre of the main market there is a skating rink where you can rent skates. They had a Friday night disco on the night we were there, which means that they were playing some terrible terrible music.

I am quite the pro when it comes to these types of pictures.

And just like how they open late, the stalls also begin closing quite early. Like at around 7:00pm, so get your shopping done early friends! The bar stalls stayed open later though so at least you can still drink.

There are plenty of museums to be found around Bruges, but I'm pretty sure Heather and I found the best and most interesting one! So, Let's begin!

That's right friends! Bruges has a museum dedicated to the Potato and French Fry! and you thought they were invented by french people! I'm sorry to disappoint you all, but the Belgians are taking credit for the amazing invention!

At least the bathrooms are clearly marked!

I know what you're thinking from looking at our pictures. The Museum is corny as hell. Well, I'm sorry, you would be completely wrong. It is actually quite interesting to learn about the potato and the french fry.

They also had a lot of really interesting displays.

My favorite shape is the mignonette. They taste the best.

I don't know who invented the canned french fry, but I would like to shake that mans hand.

Unfortunately I got a little too excited in the French Fry museum and decided to help myself to some of the displays. There was only one answer to my criminal actions and that was french fry prison.

On Saturday morning we woke up to a very happy surprise. Not only did they have the Christmas markets on, but they also had the local market happening right across the street from our hotel. One thing that was very very different from London markets was the merchandise!

I really hope those rabbits aren't for eating, they don't have much meat on them.

Neither does a lot of these birds. I don't know what kind of meal this meat would make.

Now we're talking! This stall sold eggs so fresh that they actually kept the chickens right there so they could continually restock their merchandise.

And then they broil them...

This is the Basilica of the Holy Blood. There is a vial inside supposedly contains Christs blood. It was really a spectacular church on the inside and it had a fairly interesting museum. Most of the boards were in french or Belgian though, just so you know. I'll give you permission to take Heather with you to use as a translator like I did.

Things to Remember for When you go to Bruges:

1. Good News! If you take the Eurostar from London to Brussels your tickets are good for all Belgian Stations, which means you can take the commuter train from Brussels to Bruges with your ticket!

2. It's spelt Bruges and Brugge. They both work.

3. If you can speak French, do it! Especially while bartering. The shop owners seem to only respond to the French Language to lower their prices. Heather tested this and got 3 Euros off on a pair of boots, just by yelling at the shop owner in French!

4. Bring a good Umbrella. I went through two on this trip and you're going to need it!

5. There really isn't much difference in the private room hostel prices and the prices of hotels so you might as well go all the way.

6. What ever you do don't take a cab. Most things in Bruges are max a twenty minute walk and a three minute cab ride cost us 8 Euros.

7. Belgians are very prejudice against small people. They won't even let them use elevators! (see below).

8. They are also packing heat and I mean really packing heat.

My Favourite Places... in the East End

2009-11-15T09:03:00.000-08:00

Mike just pointed out that we have a lot of stories and helpful tips about other countries.. but what about London... South East London...SE16!!! Another thing he noticed was that I am too lazy to blog. So, I am going to attempt blogging. I think that blogging about my favourite thing... markets will help. It will also give me an excuse to visit them even more often and to force Mike to come along as I collect "documentation" "for the blog."

Today's Destination: Colombia Road Market a.k.a. Hackney Flower Market

Flower market, let's go!

This is how we get there. The 47 is the worst bus. It never comes. On this particular day we were very close, and if it wasnt for my inability to cut off a conversation with one of the local sailors in my neighbourhood while he discussed his complicated love life, we would have made it! Oh, well. We must keep our patience while waiting for the elusive 47

The flower market can be hard to find. The hint is to head in the opposite direction of the people with the bouquets. That is how I found it the first time. Be prepared to stop many times either asking for directions or being asked.

This market is extremely charming. What's so charming? First of all, they have a lot of cute flowers. My favourite are the ones that look like cabages. I believe they are called cabage flowers.

The other cute thing is the flower merchants. They are all yelling at you "Gladioli... two for a Fiver!! Two for a Fiver."

And here is some Heather. I like the flower market.

Edinburgh.... A Two Parter!

2009-11-11T23:34:00.001-08:00

Lets take a step backwards. Man your Delorian and let us go back in time. The year is 18... no 2009. It's a Sunday at the end of October and Heather and I are travelling to a wee country called Scotland! Our first stop? Edinburgh! Edinburgh is an awesome town. We arrived around 4:30pm which in the real world would give us a nice couple of hours to wander before dark. But in Scotland we are near the top of the world so it was dark at 5:00pm. Our hostel was right in the old town near the castle. The church on our left may look cool but, now it's just a ticket office for the fringe festival.

The sights of Edinburgh are quite beautiful. For example, the sexual health clinics have amazing decorations for Halloween (see below).

One of the coolest things I thought about Edinburgh was all the creepy, dangerous alleys. The old town part of Edinburgh is on top of a Hill and a lot of the streets are connected by these alleys. It really made me think that that was what London should be like. You could really see stalkers and murderers stalking through this alley in an ancient time. It was raining quite a bit and the stairs were a bit slippery.

The view from our hostel is quite excellent. I really don't know how a hostel could of grabbed a spot like that This here is the view of the castle from our hostel.

With all this walking around Edinburgh Heather and I were getting quite Hungry. Not shying away from anything I decided to Jump right in the deep end and go for the Haggis. If you don't know what Haggis is, maybe it's best if you don't find out before you try to eat it. I'm kind of mean so I'm going to tell you anyway (turn your face now if you want to be surprised). Haggis is the Heart, Kidneys, Liver and Lungs boiled in its stomach. I know it sounds grotesque and I was excited to have this gory meal placed in front of me. I was disappointed. It actually looked really presentable. There was no stomach, no giant piece of lamb lung, not even a single valve from the heart. Even Heather's Sausage and Mash looked more grotesque. Haggis: Beautiful! I mean I guess the thought of it is a little disturbing but most of us eat hot dogs.... so...
As you can see below there are many layers to the Haggis. The traditional way to eat it is Haggis with Tatties and Neeps, which, I'm guessing, is Scottish for Lamb Hot dogs with Mashed Potatoes and Turnip.

The castle was the highest point that we could see in Edinburgh and gives you an excellent view of the city.

I don't really know why I look like that I guess I'm just naturally beautiful. Or maybe I'm still disturbed I ate the Haggis.

Heather unfortunately still had a bit of a cold on our trip, lucky for her, the Scottish have a cure for what ales you. The hot totty, Which is Lemon, cloves, honey, water and of course Whisky. The hot totty is now Heathers favourite cure for her cold. I imagine it would also cure a hangover.

Well our first day in Edinburgh was coming to an end. No I'm not inhaling my beer, that's a yawn from exhaustion. Heather got stuck on the top bunk. It also had no walls on either side of it. Hopefully she won't fall. The next day we left on our adventure through Scotland so now we will go back into the future and back into Edinburgh! Stay tuned for part two.

Edinburgh.... Part 2.

2009-11-11T22:14:00.000-08:00

Our trip through the Scottish landscape has reached the climax! We are now back in Edinburgh! It was fairly late when we got in so it was time for dinner! We walked around and found a restaurant called Kushi's Kitchen. This was not the relaxing dinner I was looking forward to. When we showed up and asked for a table the host agitatedly rolled his eyes at us. He then said 'Alright we have one table but you have to be done eating by 8:30pm because it's reserved.' Being only 7:00pm we had plenty of time. So this place is just packed and really really loud with screaming people causing my anxiety to go up, so I really need a drink. I attempted to order a beer but was told 'sorry we don't sell alcohol, this is a bring your own beer establishment. If you want after you order you can go next door and buy some beer then come back!' The food was awesome but the experience in that restaurant was a bit much, my expression to the right is attempting to hide my anxiety.

The next morning we woke up fairly early. It had been a while since we had to stay in a dorm room so it was a bit strange, but hey, I like to consider myself 'worldly.' The view from our hostel room is actually quite nice. For those of you who are not in the know (including myself) this school that we have an excellent view of is supposedly Hogwarts from Harry Potter. I've never actually seen the movies or read the books.

We had a lot planned for today starting with a walking tour of the city, but before that Breakfast!We found this amazing looking breakfast place. Something like Cosmos or Coras back home. Unfortunately it was really busy and expensive so we went to another breakfast place. Heather ate a tomato and cheese crescent where I had a loaded waffle.
When I say a loaded waffle I mean Loaded. My waffle was covered in brown sugar, bacon, tomatoes, Salad on the side all topped off with maple syrup. It was pretty good. Not like the bacon back home but better then the bacon in London.

Now time for the walking tour to begin! We met on the Royal Mile in the Old town. I love this area of the town. How all the old buildings are squashed together with those menacing alley's separating them occasionally. We headed up the royal mile and learned all about the queen and where she stays when she visits. Supposedly it's a really annoying time to visit because they remove all of the garbage cans.

Below is a picture of the castle. Finally we got a day where there is some sunshine! After 5 days of rain this is the greatest day ever and a perfect day for touring around!

Our tour started right at my favourite alley. What do you think they sell down there? Maybe fish? or meat? or perhaps prostitutes? I didn't go to find out. Again seedy underbelly.

I don't know what it is about churches but I love them. Scotland has its fair share of them. This one below is called St Giles Church and is quite an interesting one. It actually has a statue of an angel playing the bagpipes inside of it. Only in Scotland.

In front of St. Giles church there is a section of sidewalk with a heart made out of brick in it. The heart may look romantic take my word for it. There is nothing romantic about this circle.

This building here is one of the oldest buildings in the old town of Edinburgh. Inside it it has a museum dedicated to the different castes of society at the period of time it was built. Opposite to what we think of now, The poorer you were back in the day the higher up in the building you lived. All the richest people lived in the ground floor while the poorest lived on the top. No, they didn't have some crazy backwards penthouses. It all has to do with the fact that everyone cooked their meals with fire. When drunken people are messing around with fire, well there are going to be a lot of houses burning down. The closer you were to the ground floor, the better chance of survival you had. Keep that in mind when you are paying for your crazy top floor penthouses. You can't really see it in this picture but on the top of the two windows of this building there is the Scottish Thistle and Frances fleurs-de-lys, showing their alliance against the British. Too bad the french didn't keep their word.

Here we are overlooking Victoria Street. If you follow Victoria street down you end up in the Grassmarket. During the day the Grassmarket is actually quite nice, but after dark it turns crazy, full of stag and doe parties and drunken people dressed up in crazy costumes! We also got to learn about Burke and Hare, Two murderers who (surprise, surprise) stalked through the creepy alleys of Edinburgh to sell dead bodies to the medical college for science.

Below is the Grassmarket, to the right there is a pub called the last drop. The legend behind the pub is that it would be the last drop (of whisky) you would get before your last drop (as in hanging). The first owner was a woman who got put on death row and was hung right in front of the place where the pub stands. When her body was brought away from the sight and getting ready to be put in a casket, she woke up! They dragged her back out to the Grassmarket to hang her again, but they couldn't. Under the double jeopardy law you can't be punished for the same crime twice and she had already received her sentence, so she was set free. After opening up the pub she would stand out in front and yell out to those about to be hung 'not to worry. I've been there before and survived.'

When you enter the Grassmarket, if you take a left, then a right and head up the street you will see a bridge with a Cafe beside it with huge windows. The Elephant Cafe is supposedly where the first Harry Potter book was written. From the window you get a view of the school that is supposedly Hogwarts, the Edinburgh Castle and this graveyard, the Greyfriars Kirkyard.

Located in the Kirkyard is the Covenanters Prison and the Black Mausoleum. The Black mausoleum is the home of The Mackenzie Poltergeist, which is supposedly one of the most violent and best documented poltergeists in Europe. Mackenzie lived in the 17th Century and was given the task of Chief Legal Officer and Public Prosecutor of Scotland by Charles II. He used his power to murder the Covenanters in bloody and 'creative' ways giving him the nickname bloody Mackenzie. Hundreds of people who have gone into the Mausoleum have come out being attacked by an invisible presence leaving bruises all over their body causing the Edinburgh council to put a huge pad lock on the door.

The picture to the right is one I took inside the window of the black mausoleum. It's hard to see on here but Heather (of all people) spotted what looks like a skeletal face in the top right corner. I also took the picture below with the flash off on my camera. The room was pitch black but when I took the picture if came out fully lighted in there.

Below is the Covenanter's Prison. The Covenanters were those in the Presbyterian National Covenant who attempted to revolt against Charles II. They were shoved inside this prison with no shelter and were tortured to death by Bloody Mackenzie. Supposedly his ghost haunts this area as well. You can no longer go through the Covenanters Prison alone. Now the only way to go through is when you are accompanied by a ghost tour. Unfortunately you can't ever get access to the black mausoleum.

When you walk through a lot of this cemetery if you are a huge Harry Potter fan you will start to notice a few things. Mainly being the names of the people on the graves are names that were used as characters in the book. I didn't recognize any sorry, but going there really wanted me to see the movies.

Ah Greyfriars Bobby. What a tragedy, dying at the ripe old age of 18. He was very Loyal to his friends and many people she a tear for him. Grey Friars Bobby is a dog by the way. Not just any dog, If you looked in the dictionary beside 'mans best friend' there would be a picture of Greyfriars Bobby. Belonging to a man named John Gray, the two were inseparable. Unfortunately John Grey died an untimely death, but Greyfriars Bobby's loyalty didn't end there. For fourteen years Greyfriars Bobby guarded his grave, laying on it only to leave for food. Heather is pretty sure that Wally would do the same for her.

'What is that?' you are probably wondering to yourself. No it's not a space ship, or a church or even some crazy pic-nic table shelter. That is the Walter Scott Monument.

And this is a picture of Heather and I in front of the Walter Scott Monument.

Unfortunately our trip through Scotland has reached its conclusion. Our final day in Edinburgh ended with us buying some Irn Bru and eating some really gross Pepperoni Flavoured chips, someone trying to seel me cocaine on the train and getting harassed by stupid people dressed up for Halloween on the Tube. It was fun while it lasted but now it's time to get back to work. Two week's until our trip to Bruges!

Things to Remember in Edinburgh:

1. The Heart in the sidewalk may look like a romantic place to kiss or become engaged but it's really to mark the one place in Scotland where the people like to spit. They've been doing it on that spot since the 1600's. Why they chose a heart to mark it, I don't know why.

2. The Alleys may look scary, but they do tend to be short cuts from one windy street to the next.

3. BYOB to the BYOB restaurants. It's fun!

4. It's Edinburgh - pronounced EH-din-bur-uh, not Edinburg or Edinburrow. If you don't want to get any dirty looks pronounce it right.

5. Drink Irn Bru. It's good and supposedly cures a hangover.

6. So do Hot Totty's.

7. Get ready to jump (and/or hit the dirt) at One o'clock pm.

8. Keep in mind, it may look sunny when you first go out, but bring your rain gear.

9. Haggis may sound gross but it is friggin good. If you're too big of a pansy get the vegitarian Haggis.

Back to Edinburgh

2009-11-08T22:39:00.000-08:00

Today we succeeded in fulfilling Heathers goal for our entire trip to Scotland. She had a mission, it seemed like a simple mission, but really was one of the more difficult things on our trip. Her goal was to get a picture of a Highland Cow. You always see them in pictures of Scotland and she wanted to see one. Well we succeeded on this day of days as we made our way back to Edinburgh.

Here's they are. The Highland Cow. Pronounced Heeland Coo in the local dialect. Let's be honest here, Heather's original goal was to pet a Highland Cow. Unfortunately, they may not look it, but they are really really dangerous. Neil, our guide, his grandfather was actually killed by one.

Don't believe the model pose... They are pure evil.

Look at this one. Licking his chops. I told you, evil, he see's me and thinks of dinner.

This ones the hippy one. Get a hair cut!

Ahh! Woolly Cows! Good bye! See you next time we are in Scotland. Heather says "Mission Completed."

Next we headed to a really creepy church. Look at how scary it is. It was actually so freaky that it completely fried one of my camera batteries. I took a picture of a crypt inside and it completely froze. The battery is broken now.

After the creepy church we headed.... to THE castle!

This castle used to be located on an island. Now with the lowering tide it is located on the other side of the field.

This Castle was Built by the Campbell's one of my ancestor clans. Which in turn makes this my castle. That's right! I am a king. you can all send me your virgins and whisky and meat. Lots and Lots of Meat!

We couldn't stay at my castle all day unfortunately. I was going to take up residence there but it was a bit drafty for my likings. We did take some time on our trip back to the big E to spend some time skipping rocks in Loch Lammond.

Our Last Loch until Edinburgh...

Heather got one skip.

We decided to stop and see one last Highland Cow before we left the Highlands. This one, Named Hamish, even has a Heritage board talking about him. He is one big mother of a Highland Cow and look at them horns! I know you have probably been thinking. There is no way that something that looks like a four legged Wookie can be dangerous! Well I have another recycled story from Neil, our tour guide. A couple years before he had a tour stop and visit Hamish. A girl on the tour was feeding him a carrot wen he finished he decided to turn his head to see who else had food for him, proceeding to puncture her cheek with his horn and lift her off the ground. Hamish barely seemed to notice the human earring hanging off his face. They actually had to get a chair from the shop and lift her off his horn to get her off.

Look at how evil he looks.

One last stop before we were back in Edinburgh at the William Wallace Monument in Sterling. Like an erection sticking out of the forest, The Wallace Monument towers over the entire city. Now I know what you're thinking.... Braveheart!... Well, I hate to spoil things for you but, like Mel Gibson, Braveheart isn't really set in something I like to call reality. Most of it (from the blue paint to the love interest to the battle of Stirling) is fiction. I think the true battle of Stirling was a lot more interesting (read about it lazies!)We hiked our way up to the top but it was a little bit pricey for my likings. You did get an excellent view of Sterling, unfortunately it was really expensive. So we didn't go in, but we did hang around in the pouring rain. And after that we were back in Edinburgh! Stay tuned to hear how awesome this city is!

Things to Remember when Travelling back to Edinburgh:

1. See most of the tips from earlier.

2. I can't stress it enough. Beware the Highland Cows. Yes, yes, yes. The babies look like Ewoks, but trust me they grow up!

3. If you get a chance eat a Highland Cow Steak. I haven't tried one but I hear because of all the hair they are leaner which makes them very low in cholesterol!

4. Ok. If you have been following our blog you know the issues we've been having with our camera. To sum up:

a) One battery is not enough

b) It doesn't matter how many batteries you have, always bring a charger.

c) Now... always bring your spare battery with you when you are exploring. A fully charged extra battery is no good when it's locked on a bus.

d) Ghosts are assholes and break camera batteries!

5. Make sure you follow the warnings when visiting Hamish.

6. So you hiked the mountain up to the William Wallace Monument, you're exhausted, sweaty and wet from rain. Next time remember. There is a bus that goes from the gift shop up the mountain to the monument. For Free.

2009-11-08T02:29:00.000-08:00

Well, unfortunately we have to leave the Isle of Skye and start heading back towards Edinburgh. It was good while it lasted. Our first stop of the day was the picture above. Called the Five Sisters of Kintail. These mountains (like many other things in Scotland) have a huge legend surrounding them. Supposedly the five sisters were turned into mountains to keep them beautiful for eternity. It was quite a spectacular sight.

Our next stop was overlooking Loch Garry. If you are a Geography major you probably already guessed this by looking at the image below. For those of you who don't spend a lot of time looking at maps, Loch Garry looks very similar to the shape of Scotland. Kinda cool.

Now the moment I have been waiting for. The Whisky Distillery Tour. It was pretty cool to go through the distillery and learn about how whisky is made. I bet you didn't know this but to make whisky first you have to make beer. So whisky is technically just distilled beer.

This is an alcohol safe that is law in the UK to stop people from stealing alcohol from the distilleries. The government doesn't really care about the theft, more the fact that they won't be getting the revenue from the taxes on the stolen booze.

This man was our tour guide of the Ben Nevis Distillery. We got to watch a really corny movie at the start of the tour that starred a drunken giant. After the tour though we got to do some tastings

Wait for it...

There it is!

I bought a really nice bottle of Scotch from here and I have a feeling it's going to take me a long time to get through it.

For the Harry Potter Fans we stopped at Glenn Finnian to see the infamous bridge. I have never seen the movies but it was a pretty impressive bridge none the less.

And the view of Loch Finnian leading up to the bridge was quite spectacular. No one but me seemed to care though.

Next we drove through Glenn Coe to see.... More mountains. Not are they more mountains but these mountains are also sisters. The three sisters of Glen Coe supposedly has some good hiking though. I was too pooped for today.

We did get to hear about how the Campbell Clan helped the British slaughter the MacDonald's that held up residence in Glen Coe. There is a pub there to this day that still says No Campbell's aloud.

This one's a bit of an inside joke but, Mom! I think I found the Bridge

Heather and I decided to check out this pub in the forest of Glen Coe but after searching came out empty handed. We did however find a really nice stream! Ah Scotland, so full of Nature!

We spent that night in Oban, a really cool town on the coast. It was pouring rain, like every other day so far on our journey, but was still a nice town to see. It also gets dark at like 4:30 pm so by the time we got there it was already dark and most things were closed. We did however find an amazing Italian restaurant that had a deal going in the time you come in is the price you pay. Normally it's really expensive but our meal with wine only cost like 15 pounds! Score!

Things to Remember when Going through the Scottish Countryside again:

1. Scotch is really strong (47% is my bottle).

2. The correct method of drinking it is to put a little bit on your tongue then mix it with a table spoon of water. Don't slam it back and don't ask for it on the rocks. The guy will not like you very much if you do that.

3. Scotch is also really cheap at the distilleries. I got a 50 pound bottle for 20 pounds!

4. If you are staying at the backpackers hostel in Oban, Upgrade to Back Packers Plus! for ten more pounds you get a huge private room with a TV and a Scrabble board!

5. If you forgot your wellies you are stupid for not listening to me! Be prepared to throw out some socks and next time do as I say not as I do!

The Isle of Skye

2009-11-07T04:15:00.000-08:00

Finally, the Isle of Skye! We made it to our destination! No it's time for a day of hiking and exploring. The morning started off nice enough, just cloudy, no rain. But the forecast for the day was heavy rain so we though it would be a good idea to get prepared. Heather was smart enough to borrow some wellies off the hostel, unfortunately they had none in my size. Hopefully my shoes will suffice.

We were a bit early for the bus so we thought we would spend some time nature watching in Kyleakin. Supposedly if you're early enough you get to see some sea creatures. We got plenty of gigantic seagulls. Plus we got to see an otter out fishing for his breakfast!

Kyleakin is a small fishing community right on the other side of the Skye bridge. I love how the house below had a small boat parked beside their car.

As you can see below, even before we left for the morning the dark clouds were swarming in. Not a good omen.

The Skye bridge was supposedly designed to look like two seagulls in flight. I am pretty sure I see it. One last look at sunshine before we are off to the hikes of our lives.

Before going too far, it was decided that we weren't awake enough for our hike. We stopped in Sligachan Where we heard the legend that the faeries blessed the Sligachin river so that if you dunk your head in it you get eternal beauty and restorative memory.

Not being one to insult a fairy, I thought I'd give it a go.

It may not of made me any prettier but it sure did wake me up.

Heather Kinda looks like she's being baptised.

We stopped early in a town called Portree to pick up our lunch because the rest of the day we would be soaked in nature. I was a little bit out of it. Obviously the lake doesn't restore memory because I couldn't remember the name of the town we were in. I had to ask a woman at a gift shop who laughed at me and said I made her day. I am to please.

Portree is a Mariner's dream. It had old fashioned fishing and boating gear all over the place. Don't worry this boat was tied down in preparation of the rising Tide.

Our first hike of the day was to scale the mountainous region of Storr, to pay the old man a visit. The start of the hike was through the forested area. Although it isn't a bare mountain side, it was still uphill the whole way. It had been raining quite a bit and the path was soaking wet. We were warned however to stay on the path no mater what due to mud! We marched through an area of the forest that opened up into a mystical looking tunnel of trees. It was really pretty and I started to fear the faeries again. After exiting the forest we could see what was before us. The old man of Storr was up the side of a mountain covered in cloud. It started to rain again soaking my running shoes and making the rock path slippery but we muscled on and scaled the mountain. One major piss off was that there was a flock of sheep up on the top of the mountain just casually eating some grass. How the hell do sheep climb mountains so easily? It's not like they look super fit. Plus they are a bit round making me think they would be clumsy, not acrobats.

When we made it to the top of the mountain we could really only make out the silhouette of the Old Man through the clouds. It was still pretty cool though, definitely worth it.

Mission Accomplished

Not even five minutes after getting back on the bus to rest our weary legs was our next stop. The Lealt Fall's. Like almost all the other fall's we have seen this one looked like a Guinness fountain of peat. It was a really nice view though. There was sheep shit everywhere though. Again, another good time for Heather to be having those wellies. She really thought ahead! I stepped in some shit and unfortunately in my rage took it out on an innocent sheep by stander (see below). Sorry.

Another five minutes past the Lealt fall's was our next stop. Kilt Rock. Claiming to be the Giant's Causeway of Scotland (not nearly as impressive though) is a rock fact that looks like the pleats on a kilt. The weird thing about this area is the legend of the mermaids. While you stand above the cliff's you can actually hear them singing. They are quite monotone though. I'm surprised so many sailor's have been lead to their death's If anything you would think they'd want to steer clear of singing that horrible.

On our way to our final destination of the day we got to play chicken with a cow. We won. We also got stuck in a traffic jam with a flock of sheep. Unfortunately I didn't snap a picture of that one but enjoy the creepy cow's below.

Our final stop of the day was also one of my favorite places in Scotland. Known as the Fairy Glenn, Balmanoch is the Scottish capitol of the remaining fairies in Scotland. The reason they call it this is because it is full of 'wee mountains' Hill's that resemble the shape of a mountain. It also is home to the fairy castle, which is a rock that is in the shape of a castle. This whole place just seemed mystical. At the entrance to Fairy Glenn we were told a legend of a man who had bought some property there. He began digging up peat to use to heat his house when the locals told him to turn it back. When he refused and started to burn it, his livestock began to get sick and die off, followed by his kids, then his wife. After the death of his wife the man disappeared and it is said that he is inside Fairy Castle being punished for stealing the Faeries peat.

Above is the frame of the guy's house. The freaky thing is that all the tree's in the Glenn are quite small except for the ones growing out of the mans house. The legend is that the Faeries are trying to grow away any evidence of the man ever being there.

Amongst the wee mountains and Fairy Castle there is also some stone circles that have been there for at least a hundred years. One of the stone circles is shaped like a spiral. When you stand at the entrance you are supposed to think about an aspect of your personality that you dislike. You are supposed to keep that thought in your head and move your way into the centre of the spiral. When you get there you are supposed to think of a part of your personality you love and reverse the process. The legend goes that the spiral will absorb the bad and promote the good. There is also one shaped like a heart that you see when first entering the Glenn. If you are looking for love you are supposed to through in a personal item and you will find true love.

I had a feeling like I was being watched the whole time we were in the Glenn, it was quite creepy. I then noticed a loan sheep looking down at us. I hope it wasn't a fairy sheep.
Things to Remember when Hiking around the Isle of Skye:

1. Boys, be like the Boy scouts. Girls, be like Heather. As you can tell by the goofy expression on Heather's face and her strut she came out quite dry. Me on the other hand got soaked! Be prepared! remember your wellies.

2. When hiking up to the Old Man of Storr stay on the path! It may look like there is plenty of grass on the side of the path but really, that is just grass covered mud. I speak from experience I went ankle deep. Supposedly it goes as far as waste deep off the path.

3. Pack a Lunch.

4. When in the Fairy Glenn, DO NOT whistle, hum, sing or produce anything that seems fun what-so-ever. The Faeries love a singer and a comedian!

5. At the start of the day, Stretch!

6. Expect livestock induced traffic jams.

7. Sligacin Lake is fast don't immerse your whole body, even though you are supposed to. Unless you're brave.

Skye... Ho!

2009-11-05T12:52:00.000-08:00

The Isle of Skye really isn't that far from Inverness, but there is so much cool stuff to see along the way. So get ready for a journey through the scenic route to the Isle of Skye!

Our first stop on our trip was at a place called the Clootie Well. There is so much Paganistic history to Scotland that the rituals run deep. A lot of them are still practiced today. Enter the Clootie Well. The premise behind it is that you take an article of clothing from a sick person and tie it around the tree. The tree will then absorb the illness from the person into itself.

This Clootie well has been documented for over one hundred years.

For some reason it reminded me of the Blair Witch Project. There really is an eerie feeling to the air of this place.

Now began the theme of our journey to Scotland! Hiking in the Rain. The first major hike of our trip was through the Raven Craig and Rougie Falls. After becoming depressed in London due to the brown colour of leaves, it was nice to actually see some yellow's and deep oranges through-out the forest. Heather came prepared for Rainy Hiking with her umbrella and poncho from Decathlon!

The Falls were pretty cool. What wasn't cool was the fact that everyone decided it would be a good idea to bounce on the old bridge that held us over a hundred foot plummet which would probably of been our watery graves. It took a couple of shots. The anxiety pulsing movement of the constant jumping did ruin quite a few of our pictures of the falls but, hey, at least one turned out.

The walk through Raven Craig was quite beautiful. What wasn't Orange and Yellow with the colours of fall was white or green with different cultures of moss.

After a long, wet hike through the forest, you need a good lunch. We stopped at Loch Maree (yes Loch Ness isn't the only Loch in Scotland, there are thousands of them!). After the fill up it was time for us to be on the road again. Hitchhiking doesn't work very well when there is no one on the road, so Unfortunately I had a little trouble losing the rest of our group. Oh well. Neil seemed to know where he was going! Time to follow the long hard road through Torradon to the Isle of Skye.

It was quite chilly in Torradon and Heather and I learned first hand how they can have four seasons of weather in one day in Scotland.

Our last stop before continuing onward to the Isle of Skye was at Eilean Donan Castle.

Home of the McRae's Eilean Donan is chock full of museumy style stuff. Unfortunately they don't allow pictures inside but it is still awesome, so I really recommend it. Inside I saw an ancient family tree that marked a lot of the clans that intermingled with the McRae's. On there I found my own, the Gordon's and the Campbell's. I guess the Campbell's were a bunch of dicks though, as I learned of Sheriff Campbell Who came to town demanding Food, Whisky and Women from the McRaes. When they refused, Sheriff Campbell ordered his men to shoot them. Unfortunately, it was a wet day (like so many in Scotland) and their guns didn't work. McRae then took his Claymore and proceeded to cut Sheriff Campbell in half. Length Wise.

And Just like that we crossed the Skye Bridge and entered the Isle of Skye. We stayed over night in a town called Kyleakin. It was a little fishing village that for some reason hosted two pubs and hostels. We had some of the local seafood (the shrimp were amazing!) and then headed off to bed. This is only the beginning of our Journey and we needed our energy!

Tips when Journeying through the Scottish Countryside and into the Isle of Skye

1. It may look like a Vintage Shopper's Dream but don't take clothing from the Clootie Well. The illness absorption works both ways!

2. I don't care what it's like in the morning, whether it's the end of October or the middle of July. Dress for all weather's. Think of the Scot's. Wool hats, scarfs, gloves, undies, kilts. You can't go wrong.

3. The rain doesn't always go in the down position. Sometimes it's horizontal. Don't forget the Poncho!

4. When the guy at Eilean Donan comes out with the swords, tell him you're a Campbell. Not only do you get to play with one but he will cut you in half!

5. Make sure you get plenty of rest for all the hiking!

6. Although it tastes damn good, beware the fish at King Hakaan's pub. if you don't believe me ask heather!

7. and in the immortal words of Sponge Bob Square Pants, When in Doubt, Pinky Out!

Journey to Loch Ness

2009-11-03T10:31:00.001-08:00

Well it has been a while, but unfortunately we have to work to pay for our trips so some times it takes a while before we can go on one. But we did manage to head on into Scotland for a week, which was a lot of fun! First and Last place we visited was Edinburgh. I will write about that one later first off we have our journey to Loch Ness

We can't teleport (goddammit) so we had to take quite a journey to get there from Edinburgh. The first place we stopped was in a forested area called the Hermitage. We hiked through a forest containing Douglas firs transplanted here by the Duke of Athel. This place felt very mystical and is supposedly full of fairies. Not Tinkerbell type fairies, but the ones that will swallow your soul and keep you captive for eternity to work as their slaves!

Next we stopped on a bridge over looking the Highlands and the lowlands. Most of our trip we are spending in the highlands but it was nice to learn about the two sides. Everything you think about when you think about Scotland is from the highlands. The kilts, bagpipes etc. are all from the clan culture of the highlands. This is a picture looking down into the Highlands (a bit confusing I know).

They Get Much Higher.

We also decided to try and find some Highland Cow's. Supposedly they like to hang out at an ancient Barracks not far from where we were. Unfortunately they weren't there But the place was covered in the evidence of their existence (poop).

The Barracks was quite cool though!

Next we stopped at a museum that is supposedly rated one of the highest in the world right now. There we learned all about the rise of Bonnie Prince Charlie and his attempt to take over the crown of Scotland with the help of the Jacobite's. How he lead them down through England only to eventually retreat and have the Scottish completely slaughtered and racially cleansed. The museum was of the Battle of Culloden and saw the British take absolutely no prisoners. Oh that Charlie, what a character. Can't take pictures inside though, sorry. The cows are always watching...

The Clava Cairns were pretty crazy looking as well. Working something like Stonehenge, But a bit smaller, they are actually supposedly an ancient Calender as well as a grave. The sun shines in to the centre and reflects off the stones supposedly telling your ancient highlander what month it is.

Finally we're there! At Loch Ness. The first thing you see when you get to Loch Ness is the Loch Nessy... Not the Monster, More the Caravan owned by a guy named Steve from Devon. He is a Monster Hunter you see and spends his time selling Nessy Magnets and Trying to spot the Monster.
The second thing you see is the amazing site. Loch Ness is Huge! We went at dusk so not only was it huge, but it was blue!

The third thing you'll see if you're lucky is the monster. I am pretty sure I spotted a very Shy Nessy under the water. Thank god it didn't come to eat me.

He did however try to eat Heather.

Our day didn't stop there though. From Loch Ness we headed to Inverness where we ate some excellent Thai food and went to a Ceilidh, which is a Scottish dance party similar to a Barn Dance back home. OK, it doesn't beat a Much Music Dance Party, but it sure did come close. We did have to compete with some ringers though. I kept bumping into them to try to through them off their game but it didn't work. Bastards.

Things to Remember on your Journey to Loch Ness:

1. Keep an eye out for Highland Coo Poo, it's everywhere.

2. Exploring castles are fun, but dangerous! Watch for Trap doors and falling rocks!

3. The Loch Ness Monster is a Kelpie, which is a sea creature that turns into a horse on land to find its dinner. If you see a wild horse near Loch Ness, DO NOT GET ON IT. It will drag you to a watery grave!

4. When you find your self in a Ceilidh, always remember forward forward, back back, turn, forward, back, forward, back, polka, polka, polka.

5. Support Steve and what he does. Buy a magnet.

A very Merry Canadian Thanksgiving in England!

2009-10-18T11:52:00.000-07:00

Well this is a week late but Happy Thanksgiving to all you people in Canada. We celebrated in style here in London, England with our fellow Canadians. Enjoy some Pictures

What is a thanksgiving without Video Games

Yes mom the spinach dip turned out!

The chickens died of natural causes so they were safe to eat.

I don't know why the girls felt the need to hold their knees

Yes those are hand turkeys!

Yes Tyson, I am an alcoholic

A Family portrait

Honorable Mention: the Cat Sanctuary

2009-10-04T02:11:00.000-07:00

Probably one of the weirdest things we saw in Rome was the cat sanctuary. A giant set of ruins that they had set up a cat adoption company in. Looks like in Rome they have so many sets of ruins that they are just giving them away. It kinda smelt like a giant litter box, but it was quite cute. So cute we went back twice!

It's like where's waldo

they aren't dead!

Heathers picking out which one we were going to bring back to our hotel... we ran out of money and were getting pretty hungry.

poor scarface was missing.

... Eat like a Roman

2009-10-04T01:49:00.000-07:00

Heather and I were eating in a Restaurant one day, she got the gnocci and I got a spicy penne dish. I took a bite of Heather's gnocci and was surprised at the flavour! there's something almost fruity in here what the hell is it? I've never tasted anything like that before in my life! I said with glee. We asked the gentleman serving us, what is this amazing flavour? Tomatoes, he replied and gave me a strange look as he walked away. I really think that there is something to say about the food in Rome. Everything they have ever said about the food in Italy is true. It is crazy good, Crazy!

The restaurant was called Della Torre Argentina. It was really good and when compared to Venice it was really affordable. Our waitor called me his brother and gave me a big hug. I'm still not really sure why. We ate there twice first time was the one mentioned above, the second time I had an awesome pizza.

Heather was also in love with the Gelati, me I'm not an ice cream kinda guy, but i do have to admit that it is really really good!

I made it my mission to attempt to eat pizza for every dinner and lunch meal, and save one I managed to do it. The pizza was awesome. One of my goals for this trip was to eat Romes best pizza and I managed to do it. Well according to their sign it was Romes Best Pizza. They do it very deli style in Italy. They have giant slabs of pizza, they point to how much you want and then you pay by weight rather than slice.

They also had awesome wine there. Most drinks on the menu were really expensive unless you were drinking coffee. Beer, pop, wine and water were all around 4 euros. I am pretty sure it was Italy that created the word 'cafeteria' since a lot of restaurants claim that that is what they are. They also have beirerias and vineria's, which to me kind of sounds like a sexually transmitted disease (vinerial anyone?)

I really only have three tips for you for the food that haven't already been mentioned on the last post

1) Just because you can do shots of Lemoncello, doesn't mean that you should.

2) If a jug of wine costs less than 4 euros, remember the saying you get what you pay for. (a hangover)

3) Eat 'Romes Best Pizza!'

When in Rome...

2009-09-27T02:18:00.001-07:00

August 9-14th, 2009 - Rome

Well we are finally here, in Rome! We spent five days here and I'm not going to talk about each individual day but I am going to break this up into the most important aspects of Rome. This first post will be all about those world famous sights!

Before we get into the sights though, I thought it would be good to discuss the history. Rome was created by perverts. Babies who like to drink wolf milk. See the picture below for a diagram of how the city was created. Beastiality. Sons of Bitches.

When we got to Rome we went on a incognito walking tour. Although it's against the law in the European Union, in corrupt Italy only Italians are allowed to do walking tours. Our tour guide was Canadian and would therefore get a hefty fine if he were caught, so whenever we would see a cop, we would have to break off and act casual. We got off the metro at the Spanish steps. I can see why they are famous because they were quite crazy. They also have all kinds of strange rules attached to them, for example, you are not a loud to jump on the steps, eat a snack or have sex. Breaking these rules will get one of the white helmeted tourist police to blow their whistle at you. I, of course, clumsily tripped up the Spanish steps. I'm pretty sure that's good luck.

After the Spanish steps we made our way to the home of the Cappuccin monks. Unlike the sufferers of male pattern baldness, the Cappuccin monks actually shave their heads into that infamous horseshoe pattern for looks. We weren't allowed to take any pictures in their crypt, but trust me it was disturbing. There were thousands of skeletons and bones displayed in an artistic manner. For example there were about 12 chandeliers made from skulls and various bones throughout the human body.

One thing that Rome is not short on is fountains. The first one we saw being called the Triton's Fountain. It was alright but nothing compared to the next one we saw.

The Trevi Fountain was crazy. According to legends if you throw coins into the fountain various things will happen. For example, if you throw one coin in, you will return to Rome in the future, two equals falling in love while in Rome and number three is that you will shortly be getting married. Guess how many Heather threw in?

I really think Heather is trying to tell me something on this trip. First the bridge in Amsterdam and now this!

The next thing we got to see was the Pantheon. I love these ancient Roman buildings. This one is a place where people used to come to worship. Inside there are no windows the only opening to the place is the door and a hole in the ceiling that lets the light move across the floor as the sun moves. Unfortunately on day one the Pantheon was closed, but we did get to have some awesome pizza. Heather got tricked by the sales man as she attempted to grab her slice of pizza through the sneeze guard.

The tourist police were quickly on us again here in the Pantheon's square so we had to get on the move. The next sight was saw was the monument of Emmanuelle II. The locals tend to call it the great eyesore or the wedding cake. Supposedly Emmanuelles mustache is two metres wide. Now that's a mustache!
Around the corner from the monument was the Roman Forum which was massive Heather, Kory, Beth and I attempted to walk all the way through it the next day but it proved too much for us in the heat. Oh, did I forget to mention that Rome is Crazy hot in August? Well keep that in mind if you ever plan to go there in the summer. In the distance we could see the most famous sight of all in Rome. The Colosseum! As we started walking towards it my Battery decided to die. Funny thing is I had gone out of my way to buy an extra battery for the trip and had just put this one in the day before! Luckily Kory was around to take some pictures of it for us.
The following day we did a tour inside of it. It is humongous! Heather and I both agreed though, if there is ever a next time, we are getting the audio guide.

Things to remember when in Rome:

1) See tips from Venice.

2) Just because you're in Rome does not mean you can reach through glass.

3) If you ask the umbrella sellers how much, expect them to chase you around and harass you for the next half hour.

4) Those signs on the metro are not just there for show. I actually saw someone get wedged between the doors.

5) Do not mess with the old women on the Metro.

6) If you see a group of young, dirty children holding up a cardboard sign that swarm you they are attempting to rob you. It could be the only time in your life that you are justified in kicking some 8 year old ass, so enjoy it.

7) the line for the Colosseum is massive. In order to beat the queue, go over to the forum and buy your ticket for it there. The ticket is good for the forum, the baths and the Colosseum You get to walk right in! right past all the suckers.

8) If you've been to Roman Bath in Bath, expect to be disappointed by the Roman Bath in Rome.

9)It doesn't matter how many batteries you buy. Always bring a charger.

10) Ciampino Airport is not open all night. Don't find out the hard way like we did.

Vatican City, I saw a pope.

2009-09-27T00:35:00.000-07:00

August 11th, 2009 - Vatican City

Before I go head first into the massive post that will be Rome, I thought I would talk about Vatican City. Being it's own country I thought I may as well give it its own blog post. Heather and I set out to Vatican city expecting to be stuck in line-ups all day. Fortunately there really wasn't a lot of tourists that day. What there was a lot of was nun's. I guess it makes sense, being like the catholic capital and all. We started our day in Saint Peter's Square, thinking it was the centre of the country. After waiting in line for only half an hour we were inside.

We walked through the catacombs where pope John Paul was buried and to our surprise there were still a ton of people surrounding his grave sobbing. I mean proper sobbing none of that single tear shit. We made our way up into the cathedral which was quite beautiful.

My favorite thing about the cathedral was the statues. The catholics really do love their saints and popes. They had a ton of marble statues lining the walls making them seem to be super heroes. Look at that guy on the right. Smite that evil and stomp it down to the depths of hell. I'm pretty sure that that cross on the left is actually a weapon used to crush demons and vampires. All you have to do is bash them over the head and they are done for.

Being the educated people we are, Heather and I were sure that the Sistine Chapel was around St. Peters somewhere. So what we did was found the biggest line, the line leading up to something called the 'basilica', and decided to follow it. I was sure that was where it must be, I mean you have to pay to get in. Boy was I wrong. After climbing the claustrophobic 320 steps of spirally stairs (most of them being straight up with nothing but a rope to use as a hand rail) to the roof of the Cathedral we realised we had gone so how astray. It was wall to wall people in the unairconditioned stairwell which was doing nothing to help with the 35 degree weather outside. There was no turning back all you could do was go up. I could hear someone behind me start to hyperventilate which, in turn was making me a little panicky. I really couldn't wait to get out of there, and although the view was crazy, it was not worth the hassle.

After making our way back down, we decided it would be a good idea to ask someone where it was. Just so everyone knows, the Sistine Chapel is located in the Vatican Museum. We made our way over there and through all of the amazing statues those Romans had crated and collected over the years. What shocked me was the amount of money the catholic church has. I mean I knew they were rich, but walls and ceilings of rooms bigger than my house made of gold? Give me a break. Next time I see a donation plate I'm taking some money back. All in All the Sistine Chapel was pretty cool, The pictures are so high up that the Michelangelo's Creation looks about the size of a poster.

Things to Remember when you are in Vatican City:

1) Although Italy is corrupt, Vatican city is not (when it comes to tourists anyways) There is no tourist tax so get your Roman souvenirs here!

2) The Sistine Chapel IS NOT in St. Peter's Cathedral.

3) Word to the wise, although in every other room in the Vatican museum you are allowed to take pictures, your not allowed in the Sistine Chapel.

4) The Basilica is just crazy! if you are even slightly claustrophobic avoid at all costs.

5) St. Peter's Square is nuts on a day the pope is speaking. If your plan is to see the Cathedral and the museum, don't go on the day the pope speaks.

6) When you see the sign in the Vatican Museum 'this way to the Sistine Chapel', expect a journey that will last at least an hour.

Last, but not least: I didn't see the pope but I saw a pope.... encased in glass, enjoy!

The Dirty town of Venice

2009-09-20T23:01:00.000-07:00

August 8th, 2009 - Venice

On our way through to Venice we got to drive through the Alp's it was crazy that our bus could make those corners. I feared for my life on more than one occasion. Heather luckily got to eat her apple Struddle before we left Austria so her trip there was complete.

Venice is broken into two half's, modern and historic. The historic city of Venice was a lot nicer then the modern city of Venice. Heather and I got to go on a Gondola ride which was pretty sweet. It would have been romantic, but wasn't for a couple of reasons.

1. we had to go in a group of six otherwise it was like 100 euros.

2. The girls sitting behind us sure liked to jump into our pictures. Look at her, Get out of there!

3. Gondolier's yell at each other. When I say yell, I mean yell.

4. They don't really sing like they do in the movies. Ours sang a little but it was only fragment's of songs and our neighbors gondolier belted out a verse of Bloody Sunday.

5. The water is really dirty. I actually watched a rat swim past and crawl into someones boat.

On the search for a cheap restaurant, we got a little lost in the back alley's of the city. It was crazy hot that day too so walking through the dirty labyrinth that is Venice without food was not something I wanted to be doing. Venice was also really expensive. Trying to find a meal that would be under 50 euros was proving a difficult task. We only got a little lost:

Uh oh, another dead end.

The best thing about Venice for me was the pigeons. They are considered sacred and protected animals. People love them there. People all over St. Marks Square were picking them up, or having them sit on their shoulder's, gross! I guess dirty is as dirty does in Venizia. The best thing I heard though was that you can buy feed for them that is packed full of contraceptives to help keep the numbers down. If only they could apply the same technology to teenager's here in London.

On our way home we took the vaporetto. Although the name implies it, it really is not very fast. Since our night started by jumping over a ditch we decided hopping fences to get back to our hotel was the only way to complete our night. Our first night in a four star hotel was completed by watching disturbing Italian cartoons, where knights storming castles got hot oil poured all over them.

Things to Remember in Venice:

1. There is no queuing system in Italy. Ordering food is like the stock market. Go to the till, buy your food ticket, wave it in the air and hope for the best.

2. Outside of the tourist area's very few people speaka the english. You will have to get by on broken italian and frustratingly pointing at things.

3. Do not kick the pigeons. It's against the law in Venice. Outside of Venice it's fine though.

4. Beware the hidden fee's at restaurants. We experienced a bread basket fee (for bread we didn't eat, nor want) and a sitting fee (how are you supposed to eat at a restaurant if you can't sit)

5. Don't walk through the twin pillars of St. Marks Square.

6. Italy is a fairly corrupt country. When you buy souvenirs get a receipt. If the tourist police ask to see one and you can't produce it you can get up to a 1000 euro fine.

7. Watch out for the bag-men. Every now and then you will see a group of men holding knock-off prada bags looking over there shoulders. then the tourist police (distinguished by their bright white police helmets) will come and they will bolt. You should watch out for them mainly because:

a) They have a bunch of lookout's around so if you're doing anything sketchy
when they bolt, you should too.

b) You should probably hold on to your bag a bit tighter.

c) It is highly entertaining to watch them flee.

Salzburg - Get into the Choppa

2009-09-15T23:59:00.000-07:00

August 7th, 2009 Amsterdam - Salzburg, Austria

Well I must say, If you are ever told that beer in germany won't give you a hang over it's a lie. I really couldn't stomach breakfast this morning so I went for Tylenol and Gravol instead. We stopped off at Dachau Concentration camp which was very disturbing. Really the hangover didn't help the nauseated feeling you get walking through one of those places.

Salzburg on the other hand was quite a bit of fun. It is very hilly, being at the base of the Alps and all so there was lots of climbing to do. It's also the birth place of Mozart so they try to be very classy and also the place where the sound of music was filmed, pretty much negating that class. I made sure to stay away from meat today and got myself a pizza while heather went for a burger. Obviously shes more of a carnivore then me. After that we went exploring with Mat and Rachel. Looking for the big castle on the horizon, we found some stairs and climbed them. They weren't the right stairs. We could however see the castle on the other side of the city.

On our way across we stopped at the church in Salzburg. It appears the closer we get to Rome the more elaborate the Church's get. You would think all the money they put into these churches and the pues still aren't comfy.

On the way up to the castle we decided to stop in at the nunnery. We were told that we were allowed inside so we opened up this door and we're greeted by a smiling nun. She was very welcoming so we made are way inside, only to see someone who looked like she was fleeing from the Nazi's or something and seeking sanctuary at the nunnery, the scowls of the nun behind the door were not to welcoming so we got the hell out of there.

After getting lost a few times we finally found the right mountain to scale up to the castle. Unfortunately we found out after we scaled the mountain that you have to pay to get in, what a rip off. We also missed the tram. Damn.

Later that night me and a couple of guys decided to go out to the pub for a drink. It was a really sketchy place with a ton of locals sitting around playing darts. We got eyeballed when we walked in not only by the locals, but also by the bartender. The bartender really couldn't speak english or understand us when we spoke german. I don't know I thought Beer was a universal word (German being Beir). And four fingers equals four. We asked for what was on tap but she just gave us bottles. The locals had stopped playing darts at that point and were staring at us so we decided to get the hell out of there. Instead we just drank on the street out in front. Occasionally cars would drive up blasting their rap music stop stare us down and then go into the bar. We feared for our lives so we went back to the hotel. On the other hand the beer was good. Steigl.

The best part of Salzburg were these guys:

Things to remember if you are in Salzburg:

1. the beer is cheaper then the pop. Do yourself a favour and go for the beer.

2. just because a pub is called the Big Ben, does not mean english speaking tourists are welcome.

3. Try not to be hung over if you check out a concentration camp.

Munich = Liter's of Beer

2009-09-01T01:33:00.000-07:00

August 6th, 2009 The Rhine Valley - Munich

After arriving in Munich we went on a walking tour of the down town area. We got to see both the new and the old town halls and the old one actually looked like the new one and vice verse. We got to see the Devil's footprint in a church and my foot was an exact match. I really wasn't that surprised.

We didn't really have a lot of time in Munich unfortunately. What we did have time for though was drinking at the beer hall. I am just going to take this time to do a little comparison of the beer's I have drank thus far on the tour.

The First one is just sad, luckily all you can drink

Now we're talking

And Munich takes the cheese!

My dinner was very, very carnivorous. I am actually getting a little sick of meat and am pretty sure I have taken as much time off my life as if I had been smoking for a year. If you are uneducated in all the meat in the picture it would be Frankfurters, Bratwurst, pig knuckles and some form of chicken.

Now for a few tips to get you by in Germany.

1. Lederhosen is not just a costume. I saw three guys walking about town with them on, Plus you can get really fancy versions with designer labels.

2. Do not listen to people when they say you can't get hung over from the beer in Germany, sure there's no preservatives in it, But me and the mess I made in the hotel bathroom are living proof that your night can end badly.

3. When they say you will be getting veggies with your meal they mean dumplings and sauerkraut.

4. Everyone smokes everywhere. They still have ashtrays all over the place.

5. Most importantly, Beer is Awesome!

The Rhine Valley (Big Beer Steins)

2009-08-30T09:33:00.000-07:00

August 5th, 2009 Amsterdam - the Rhine Valley and St. Goar

After leaving Amsterdam (those BK people were late again, Heather tells me), we headed into Germany and into the Rhine Valley. Now what is the Rhine Valley famous for you ask yourself? Well for one in between world war I and World War II it was the demilitarised zone that Hitler wasn't allowed to enter. Well let me tell you something about Hitler, he doesn't listen to the man! so he sure did militarize it. Now-a-days it's mostly just famous for wine. Reisling to be exact. We drove through it to get to our next hotel, those Germans are a funny bunch. At one point our giant coach was driving down a street which, hey, looks like it probably should of been a one way. But why not have another bus come flying in the opposite direction right towards us. It was like we were playing chicken. Chicken with busses. We actually had to back up for about 5 minutes before the other bus could get by.

We got to see a giant statue of the Siren Lorelie, a woman who through herself over a cliff and now calls lonely sailors to their deaths. That`s who the Germans celebrate. We also saw some amazing castles, then some more castles, followed by some more castles. There were also loads of reisling grapes that are on the sides of cliffs, which makes for some dangerous picking. Oh and on top of the cliff there was more castles.

That night we stayed at an awesome little hotel. The owners were very, very German and we got to eat dinner in this giant hall. I had some beer and Heather went for the local drinks, the Reisling. I also found out that talking like a nurse in a room of non-nurses gets you lots of stares. So what if I was talking about a prolapsed uterus. Let`s just say that the veiw from our hotel was the best I have ever seen (see below).

The next day we went into St. Goar and saw the worlds biggest cuckoo clock. I coulda swore I`d seen bigger. We also got to see the worlds biggest beer stein. I got into a little argument with the guy at the beerstein store. I like the blue ones and he kept trying to tell me that the coloured ones had more details. I wasn`t disagreeing but I liked the damn Blue steins. I`m happy with my purchase.

... and oh yeah, I also saw the creepiest painting ever in the dining room at our hotel enjoy:

Amsterdam Part Deux

2009-08-28T01:30:00.000-07:00

August 5th, 2009 Amsterdam - Rhine Valley (Day 2, Part 1)

This morning started with just a little bit of a headache. Just a small one that actually went away after breakfast. The continental breakfasts this morning was quite interesting. It included cereal, rolls, slices of cheese, an array of meat and two different fruit juices. There was also coffee. Mmm coffee. If my trip through Ireland taught me anything, it was to stock up at breakfast so I had two meat and cheese sandwiches and grabbed some weird dutch thing in a wrapper for later.

Another headache that I received this morning was the news that kissing under that skinny bridge we did the day before equals Heather and I getting married soon. That's the legend anyway, damn it, that's more than I signed on for. We did a little mini-tour of Amsterdam then Heather and I headed down to Anne Franks house and did the tour. It was amazing how they could of stayed in there.

I made sure to watch my pockets, equipping my money belt yet again, we went into town. Well that is after we got lost. The signs in Amsterdam didn't make a lot of sense at first so we got a bit confused. Why they have two centrals is beyond me. For lunch we decided to check out the local cuisine. I had a savory dutch pancake with cheese and mushrooms and Heather had a plain one. Oh Heather. Plain Jane. They aren't nearly as good without maple syrup, whatever they had as a substitute was not good. Before we left we made sure to check out the worlds biggest bike rack. I really like Amsterdam's take a bike leave a bike policy.

To Conclude, Couple of tips for those of you planning on making the trip to Amsterdam (Jam).

1. Do not, I repeat, DO NOT take pictures of the prostitutes. The undercover pimps can and will beat the shit out of you.

2. DO NOT kiss under the skinny bridge unless you are ready and willing to make the sacrifice.

3. Coffee shops do not sell coffee (see image). For coffee go to a cafe.

4. If you find an unlocked bike it is safe to ride it away. Supposedly. We didn't try it but hey go nuts.

Amsterdam (Part 1)

2009-08-26T12:01:00.001-07:00

I hear this blogging thing is the wave of the future. Looks like I'm gonna post my thoughts from our trip through Europe. This is a bit behind in the posting. Hopefully I will learn and continue posting like this in the future (not likely). What I don't want to happen is for me to get stuck in time, start striking up a conversation with kids about beta max, Crystal Pepsi, McDonalds Pizza and Portable CD-Players.

August 4th, 2009 - London – Amsterdam

Here we go on our first tour to non-english speaking countries! Woo! We had a Bright (well dark, it was still dark out) and early start to our day heading down to Bayswater tube station which is way on the other side of London. We were up at 4:30 and out the door by 5:15. We met our group at the Umi Hotel in Leinster square (not to be confused with Leister Square). Our tour guides name was Corey, a fellow Canadian, taking us through the open European landscape. We had absolutely no time to get coffee and every coffee shop in the Leinster area was closed. Those rich Aristocratic people must all be able to sleep in on work days but not us back packers. Heather must have been feeling the effects of Coffee withdrawal because she forgot our paperwork in the hotel bathroom on the back of the toilet. We didn’t really realize this until after our bus had taken us outside of London. We panicked and told our tour guide who luckily was able to call up the hotel, get the attendee to look in the toilet where he found Heathers important document folder. The document folder with all our insurance details, boarding passes, and hotel reservation information in it.

Me? Personally I am still trying to get used to carrying a man purse. Or murse to you ass holes out there (I can just hear the jokes all ready, mikes a male nurse who carries a male purse. A Murse with a Murse). On the other hand I am really starting to like carrying around this money belt. It’s like having a fanny pack that you wear under your clothes. Brilliant.

When we got to Dover we got to quickly go to the bathroom before jumping onto the ferry. Heather and I found a coffee shop, thank god, but had to abandon our space in the queue for fear that we would miss the ferry. Then we found out being late for the ferry wasn’t as important for those in the Burger King line up. Heather, like always, got pissed at people with poor punctuality (and punctuation!). I am assuming she will get mad about this a lot on our trip. I even bet a piece of her is hoping they will be left behind much like our important documents in that hotel bathroom.

Before we knew it we were on the ferry to Calais, waving good bye to the Cliffs of Dover and our first chariot the Excalibur (best bus name ever) and our first bus driver.

Woo Hoo! We are in Europe! Hooray! The first thing I noticed about Europe was the stench of B.O. Not from the Europeans but from someone sitting in front of me on the bus. We got to see France from the bus which was for the most part quite flat. When we entered Belgium we got a brief history of things that were from that part of the world. For one the Smurfs were made in Belgium. They also make over 400 types of beer, Stella being the most famous and Hoegaarden being my favourite. Their best meal supposedly is Mussels and Fries together, which I have to see to believe. Unfortunately we wont be stopping in Belgium this trip.

Before we knew it we were in the Netherlands. It also for the most part remained very flat, but at least they have loads of Windmills everywhere. Our first stop was a Cheese and Clog factory just outside of Amsterdam. We got to learn that everyone else in the world is making cheese wrong. Heather bought some cheese that you never ever have to refrigerate, we felt a bit weird about that. We also got to learn how clogs were made. Make sure you buy them a size to big.

Amsterdam is one of the coolest city I’ve ever seen. Everyone rides bikes, drives boats and speaks English! Not that speaking English is cool or anything, but hey, it sure makes things easy for me. Our first interaction with a Dutch person was not the best. Someone in our group got assaulted by a flying muffin from a passerby. I guess, like most cities, the people of Amsterdam don’t like big groups of tourists. The aroma of Amsterdam is just what you would think. Smells like hippy heaven, right down to the pot, hemp bracelets and incense.

We started off in Amsterdam doing a canal dinner cruise, we got to see all the leaning houses from the water, drink all the Heineken we could drink and eat Indonesian food. I got a bit plastered but hey, all you can drink. Heather and I kissed under the skinny bridge because that is the romantic thing to do. I wanted to take some pictures of the red light district (I tried Patrick), but it’s against the rules. Supposedly under cover pimps are everywhere and will beat you up and break your camera. Pictures of red prostitutes just ain't worth it. The red light district was quite interesting though. Must have been a slow night as a lot of them were sitting around texting, or as Heather called it, sexting. Jeeze is no one safe from this economic downturn. The mounds of food in the kebab shops were crazy. I guess they get loads of people with the munchies.

It was advised by our tour guide to go to a sex show so we had to check that out. I won’t go in to too much detail here but, it was quite the performance. We had a live candlestick holder, some of the best penmanship I’ve seen without using your hands, a french maid who found another area for the ever lasting scarf magic trick other than her sleeve, a bunch of people ate a banana and then there was the sex. The guy came out with his witch shoes, which remained on the entire time. He also had a nicely developed beer belly and all that I can describe as cow utters grafted to himself. After the show concluded we headed back to Casa 400 and the end of our first day. Thankfully I did not need to use that insurance information that Heather left behind. Maybe tomorrow.

Heather had a ton of questions for the working girls, unfortunately I was too bashful to ask, they were as follows:

1. How Much? (not like we were interested or anything but we were curious)

2. What time in the morning do they start?

3. Do they have health insurance? Dental? etc.

4. We know they sectioned off into separate groups; i.e. the skinny ally with the grade A meat, but Are there any male prostitutes?

A Canadian Delicacy: A How to Guide to Making Poutine for British (With Pictures).

2009-07-19T08:02:00.000-07:00

We begin today by selecting the perfect potato chips. If you find yourself in Canada they will be pronounced F-r-e-n-c-h F-r-i-e-s. Because we have McCain in Canada as well we will be using them today.

Spread them out evenly on the pan making sure that there is only one layer of chips to make sure they cook evenly. If you have more than one layer they will come out soggy and that is a no no!

Place those fries into a 220 degree preheated oven.

While we are waiting for the chips to cook lets make some gravy. It is essential you pick out a good packet gravy. If you choose the wrong flavouring it can really ruin the whole Poutinin' experience. For today we picked out an onion flavoured one.

Place the packet into a pot, add water and pristo presto gravy!

Grate yourself some cheese. Traditionally poutine is made with cheese curds, but here I couldn't find any so Cheddar will have to do.

when the chips are done take them out of the oven and place them on the plates. Put the cheese on top and carefully pour the gravy over top of it.

Voila! we have poutine. Enjoy this ethnic Canadian meal with Tim Hortons coffee or Molsons while snowshoeing to your igloo.

But.... Floss?

2009-07-09T12:43:00.000-07:00

So I really don't try to promote stereotypes.... but.... Oral care in this country is atrocious. I really don't see how it could be. A cleaning at the dentist is only 16 pounds! But many people have them gross gnashers. I see them on embarrassing bodies! Supposedly 1/4 of people have a fear of the dentist so bad that it stops them from ever going.

If you're riding the tube in the morning I can guarantee that you will smell some of that gross morning breath. I think it extends past the morning and into a toxic/radioactive zombie breath. You can smell the rotting.

I think that part of the problem is the lack of dental floss. If you are moving to the U.K... or even coming for a visit, make sure you bring some dental floss. All that I can find here is that Damn dental tape! I hate dental tape! You can stay at my place for free. Just bring the damn floss!

Beware the Leprechauns!

2009-06-16T00:13:00.000-07:00

One lesson i learned the hard way when moving to this great city is to beware the Leprechauns. Yes friends the Leprechauns are only interested in one thing, your treasure, and will do anything to get their hands on it. They are tricksters thems Leprechauns.

I know what your going to say.. the age of the Leprechauns is long past. They have gone the way of the dinosaurs. But what I have seen is evidence enough for me to believe in them and their lust for gold.

My story begins in February of the year 2009. When i first got off the aeroplane to this great country. I must admit I was a little naive. A man met me at the tube station in the land of Canada Water. He was about my height and had an Australian accent, so i didn't worry too much about him. He took my travel mates on a tour of the area and took us to see a flat. The flat was beautiful my friends! like nothing I had seen before. I must have been blinded by the beauty. Placed in some form of hypnotic gaze. Because before i knew it I had paid all my money on a six week deposit to this place, as well as a reference check fee. Sure i had my doubts but the man guaranteed we would have our apartment within two weeks time. Two weeks went by and still no apartment. We called up the man who said that the landlords needed more time and told us to wait another two weeks. Sure we were angry but the beauty of the flat had us in its grasp and we couldn't let it go. Another two weeks went by and the landlords said they needed another month in that apartment. The man assured us She would be out by the end of the next month. That's when we noticed. That's when we saw the truth. That man had on Pointy Shoes! That's how you know they are one of the Leprechauns.

Maybe, like the dinosaurs, the Leprechauns evolved too! They grew taller, immigrated out of Ireland, took jobs as estate agents. It took us another week to get our deposit back from that Leprechaun! in the mean time he continued to try to convince us to take a place from him. But we stayed strong and found a place that was not under the estate agents grasp!

You should beware my friends! Because next time it may be your money they are after!

Beware the Leprechaun's

The Pigeon: One of Natures Mysteries

2009-06-04T15:02:00.000-07:00

There's a question that has been running through my mind here since the start of spring. I am hoping that somebody who has a background living in an urban environment can answer this one for me.

Has any one ever seen a baby pigeon?

It has been spring here in London and all of the water fowl across the street have been having babies. From baby ducks to baby moorhens The water ways here have been full of the little Chickie's learning to swim and eat fish. But, no baby pigeons... There are thousands of them all over the city. I could literally through a kitten off my balcony and hit half a dozen of them. They are the orphan Annie's of Birdy Culture, flocking to major cities all over the world and begging for bread. But even homeless people have make shift nests. Where are is the pigeons refrigerator box apartments? Where are their luxury car frames condos? Screw saving the world my new mission is to find a baby pigeon.

or maybe there are no baby pigeons... Maybe they just create doppelgangers of themselves. Perhaps they have mastered cloning years before we have and just continue making copies of each other. I don't know, I guess it is just one of life's mysteries

got no worries

2009-04-21T10:26:00.001-07:00

Being a supply teacher in London can sometimes really suck--like this morning, when I woke up at 6am.. ate breakfast, got all ready only to have NO WORK! I could have been getting plenty of extra beauty rest.

here is a list of things to do when you've got nothing to do:

Watch some trash tv. I like Jeremy Kyle, the UK Maury....
Take a survey of how many toes the average pigeon is missing....
Go to Rough Trade record store and listen to absolutely all the disc at the listening stations...
Look at endless amounts of Vintage till you can no longer tolerate the smell of moth balls....

A Look Back...

2009-04-14T03:46:00.001-07:00

I have been wondering how I should go about starting this blog. We have been in the U.K. 2 months now and have seen things, met people, got screwed over and yet. We haven't posted one thing. Should we just start from this point and move forward? should we pretend that we are posting like it was that day? Should I kill my neighbours cat and feed off the blood of the innocent? All important questions. Perhaps we should do this by taking a look back. A flashback ala Waynes World with the swively fade and all. No one, I guess, knows for sure so I suppose we will just focus on the random elements of our trip.

First off, We arrived here in London on a stereotypical 'London' day. They got a months worth of rain in 24 hours. According to the locals it was a bit of a big deal, floods and all, but to Heather and I it was what we were expecting. You go to London, you get lots of Rain and sure floods are normal... I guess.

Second, if you are ever, ever coming to London and are staying in a hotel in the centre for the love of god don't expect it to be an actual hotel. Our room at the Langland Hotel was about the size of a closet and the shower we shared with the entire building was clogged causing us to only turn the water on when we needed a rinse. At one point we were watching TV only to realize that our volume was off and we had been listening to our neighbours TV. I have stayed in nicer hostels.

We did go exploring around the hotel and learned a couple of lessons that if you should ever come here should keep in mind.

1. The roads here are not in grid form. They make no sense at all. Get an A-Z.

2. Always bring an umbrella. Even if it's sunny. Trust me.

3. Pedestrians do not have the right of way. DO NOT J-Walk. J-Run!

Mike and Heather Save the World

2009-04-14T02:01:00.000-07:00

Hello Ladies and Gentlemen. This has been a long time coming but here it is. Our blog.

Now for the disclaimer: We are not bloggers, journalers, diary keepers or anything of the like. Well, Heather has Livejournal so I guess she has some experience so maybe she should take control of this while I sit it out... nah.

I will follow up this post with a little update on what we have done so far since arriving here two months ago. We haven't exactly saved anybody yet. But someone was pulled off our plane by police.